


you feel like home

by deandratb



Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Schneider/Avery (referenced), Season/Series 04 Spoilers, god is dead long live alvareider, there is no word of god here because there is no god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:29:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deandratb/pseuds/deandratb
Summary: After the census and Schneider's big announcement, Penelope tries to come to terms with what her life will look like once she's truly alone. Her efforts do not go as planned, especially once Schneider has more news she wasn't expecting.
Relationships: Penelope Alvarez/Schneider
Comments: 11
Kudos: 116





	you feel like home

**Author's Note:**

> Picks up after 4.01. The timeline is partially made up because it's unspecified in canon--we have no idea how long it's really been since the wedding. But we do know that Penelope was almost 40 when she and Max broke up and she's 42 now.
> 
> My tags may be just a tad dark. In my defense, Tumblr briefly deactivated my blog the day after the ODAAT season 4 premiere and my rage needed somewhere to go. Apparently it ended up here, where I plan to write a fic for every episode this season when I see Alvareider potential squandered by canon.

Ever since Census Brian stopped by her apartment, it felt like the whole world was conspiring to make Penelope feel more alone than she had before. Even when she first separated from Victor, there were parts of her life that kept her focused, that distracted her…that didn’t feel quite like this. 

She’d had the kids to look after, her mother to argue with, and Schneider striding into her house at all hours. New job, new empty bed, new medication she resented having to take.

But now she was 42, and her life was settled. Her _Mami_ was proud of her, in her own complicated way. Elena was waiting for college acceptance letters and Alex had a girlfriend. Penelope had never been better at her work, and she might be lonely, but she was used to the loneliness. 

Nothing about this was new–so she didn’t know why it was bugging her as much as it was. 

She found herself thinking about the year 2030 a lot, not as some abstract concept but as a specific point in time that felt like it was coming right for her. Elena would be in her late twenties, probably far away, and Alex would be independent, too. They wouldn’t need her as much, if at all. 

Penelope would like to believe that her _Mami_ would still be behind her curtain, as vibrant and healthy as ever, but she was an NP. She knew time had already been kinder to Lydia Riera than lots of people her age. What were the odds she would stay that lucky?

And then there was Schneider. 

It took her a few days after the census to realize she hadn’t even included him in her mental picture of what 2030 would look like. 

That was for the best, Penelope thought. He was already visiting less since his reunion with Avery, and now that his girlfriend would be moving in….she doubted that would mean the two of them spending extra time with the family. 

They had invited Avery over a lot in the beginning, but she rarely tagged along with Schneider for dinners or game night. Schneider only came down for morning coffee these days if he woke up alone, and Penelope didn’t know if that was because the duo preferred his fancy espresso machine when they were together or if Avery was actually avoiding them. 

Whatever the reason, Penelope missed him. She could admit that to herself. But she refused to interfere with Schneider’s happiness, so she wouldn’t be admitting it to him. She texted him more instead, checking in, asking after his AA meetings or wondering if he would make it to movie night.

She held on tight to the bigger questions that had been piling up since Victor’s wedding, when Schneider left her sitting alone in the middle of a perfectly nice conversation. When she watched him and Avery dance as though nothing ever broke between them. 

_Aren’t you supposed to avoid huge, sudden changes in your life?_ She wanted to ask him. _It can’t really be that simple to start over, can it? Do you miss me as much I miss you?_

It was lonely, Schneider’s absence at the dinner table or on their couch. Especially because no one else in the family seemed to feel it. Her kids were dating, and her mom had whatever platonic thing was still happening with Dr. Berkowitz. Everyone was growing outwards from the roots of their family, and she knew that was how things should be. 

Growth was good. Change was healthy. Nobody was doing this to abandon her.

It sucked anyway.

So as 2030 crept into her thoughts whenever she had a spare moment to feel the anxiety and strange sense of grief that heralded her soon-to-be empty nest, Penelope deliberately imagined a Schneider who settled down upstairs with Avery, and kept drifting away. 

In ten years, he would be the best friend who was reachable when she really needed him, but not around most of the time. He and Avery would get married, a picture-perfect couple. Maybe they’d stay upstairs, but they probably wouldn’t. He would lease his place to another hipster and they’d move somewhere more upscale to start a family, or adopt purebred dogs, or whatever rich people did when they had endless money and time.

Penelope tried to accept that picture, feel it like it was real, so she could get used to it. She wanted to embed it deep in her heart, where it wouldn’t be able to hurt her as much when it happened. 

It made her feel like she had lost Schneider already. 

And that left her raw and open and unprepared for his midnight text a few weeks later, asking her to come upstairs. 

****

Penelope offered a quick and grateful prayer to the God she only kind of believed in when he opened his door and he wasn’t visibly drunk. She was still waiting for the next relapse–it had only been five months. _A part of her might always be waiting for the next relapse._

“Hey, Pen,” he said, stepping back to let her in. 

She sat on his couch, realizing as he joined her that his place looked different. Emptier. Less…bright. 

Penelope hadn’t visited as often lately; with Avery living there too, boundaries seemed more important. But she knew that the art missing from his walls had been an Avery purchase. _Primary colors, splashes and curving lines that probably cost thousands of dollars._

The scarves and hats Avery always seemed to have draped everywhere–chairs, counters, wall hooks–were gone too. The entire apartment was less colorful now. 

So was Schneider. 

_Even his blue eyes looked a little grey tonight,_ Penelope thought. And asking him felt cruel, when it was obvious what happened. But she knew talking would help.

“Avery moved out,” he said before she got the chance to broach things gently. “A couple hours ago, they picked up the last of her things. I haven’t been able to sleep.“

Penelope held herself steady as Schneider leaned against her, staring blankly forward. “I knew you would come. Thanks for that.”

“Whenever you need me,” she reminded him. “I wouldn’t have promised it if I didn’t mean it.”

“Tomorrow’s Wednesday,” he thought out loud after a few moments of silence. “I won’t keep you long, I know you have an early schedule on Wednesdays.”

She blinked, trying to remember if she had told him that. They’d talked so rarely lately, it didn’t seem likely. But Schneider keeping tabs on her wasn’t new–in fact, it was the most familiar and comforting reminder of their friendship she had felt in a while. 

“That doesn’t matter,” she told him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Okay.”

“Did you call Nick?”

“Yeah. I called him after we broke up this morning. The movers took a while,” he added.

“Ah. So she didn’t just…move out.”

“No.” He sighed. “I thought this would bring us closer, but somehow it did the exact opposite. The more time we spent together, the more it didn’t work, and we tried harder to make it work and that just made it hurt more.”

“Oh, Schneider.” Breakups were always hard, but this was his first serious relationship. Of course he fought to keep it; of course he was devastated to lose it again. She reached for his hand and held tight.

“Yeah. Today we were having this stupid fight about scrambled eggs, and both of us sort of stopped in between the yelling and looked around, like _what are we even doing right now?_ And so we stopped yelling, and we talked. About everything since she moved in: how she didn’t want to play games or watch movies with you guys, how scared she is that I’ll relapse and how unprepared she was to live with a recovering alcoholic. About the life she knows she wants eventually, and the one I really don’t.”

Penelope was still holding his hand, but she tried not to squeeze harder on instinct. “Does Avery want kids?”

Schneider shook his head, and she exhaled. “No, it’s not that.”

He knew her, though. Schneider let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her, a silent show of support while he continued. 

“She liked that I had real world skills, that I’m more than just another rich guy–but she likes her money, too. Even though it makes her feel guilty. I guess she thought that eventually we were going to move on from this place, and this version of my life, and into one that was more like hers. Ballrooms and regattas and the stuff I tried to get away from.”

“Oh.”

“Yep.”

She wasn’t sure what to say to that. She’d be lying if she said she was surprised. But Schneider didn’t need an _I told you so._ Penelope settled for the truth.

“That sucks, Schneider. I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re gonna be okay,” she added, with the wisdom of experience and the affection of friendship.

“Sure,” he agreed, his temple resting against the top of her head. The hopelessness underneath his agreement broke her heart. 

“You will be,” she insisted. “It’ll take time, but you’ll see.”

“No offense, Pen,” Schneider said quietly, “but you were still hoping to have a future with Max a couple of months ago. If you weren’t over him two years after you broke up, I don’t see sunny skies ahead.” 

Penelope turned to face him. “Well, you don’t have to. I can see them for you, until you do. And in the meantime, you won’t be alone.” 

“Remember that, okay?” She pulled him into a hug. “You’ve got us, always. You’ve got me. And I know what it’s like to survive a terrible breakup.” 

Schneider was hugging back, his cheek against her hair. His breath tickled her ear when he replied. “It wasn’t terrible. That’s the worst part. It was barely…anything. Like we used all our feelings up.”

“ _Pobrecito_ ,” she murmured, rubbing his back and holding on. There was no cure for heartache. And it would be tougher for Schneider, going through it sober again, she thought. 

The decision was an easy one–she made it without even considering other options. 

“All right,” she said, sitting back up. “You’re staying with us tonight.”

“Pen–”

“No arguments. I won’t hear it, Schneider. This is what family is for. Let’s go.”

The hint of a smile he gave her was barely there, but it was more than she’d seen since she arrived, and Penelope considered it progress. 

****

She texted her mom while Schneider grabbed a few things, and Lydia was awake and waiting for them when they arrived downstairs. 

“Sit,” she told Schneider. “I will fix you a little something.”

“Lydia, it’s super late. Let’s all just go back to bed.”

“You will sleep better fed,” she chided him. “And I will sleep better if you are fed. You were not at lunch **or** dinner.”

He sank into the couch, giving up. “Well, then. Thanks.”

Penelope watched as Schneider closed his eyes and relaxed. She knew she had made the right call–now, he was home. With her _Mami_ fussing over him and the kids to look forward to seeing over breakfast in the morning, maybe he really would sleep.

“ _Lupita,_ ” her Mami said, “You should rest now. I am here.”

She nodded, eyes on Schneider for a few moments longer. Penelope couldn’t have said what she was looking for, but she found it when he seemed to feel her attention and straightened up. 

“Your mom’s right, Pen. Go to bed.” 

She knew he was remembering the same things she was: his last breakup with Avery, the last time she wasn’t paying close enough attention to his pain, their last long hug on a couch while she tried to comfort him. 

“I’ll be right here,” Schneider assured her.

“Good.” The soft, single word was full of all those memories, and fears she only shared with her support group friends. She nodded at them both as she exited to her room.

Exhaustion hit as soon as Penelope shut the door behind her. She had managed to keep it at bay while Schneider needed her, but now it was back, ready to tug her into sleep. She settled into bed, comforted by the faint sounds of her mom fussing over her best friend, and was nearly unconscious when a realization joined the fatigue running through her. 

_She might not be alone in 2030 after all,_ her mind whispered. _Schneider might still be beside her._

And if that was still a possibility, what would that look like? Without her kids to treat him like a goofy friend, or her mom to treat him like a second son, where would that leave her and Schneider? What would their relationship look like?

What did she **want** it to look like?

She hadn’t had to think about that, when he was living in bliss with Avery. She hadn’t had to examine the fuzzy edges where her feelings blurred around missing him, and try to understand what they meant.

Now, lying in her dark room alone, it was a picture as clear as the ones Schneider turned into photo puzzles of her family. 

By the time the next census came around, Penelope wanted Schneider in the picture with her. Fully. No Photoshop. 

She was in love with her best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Title borrowed from "You Feel Like Home" by Hills x Hills.


End file.
